Hey you,
I want you to know something.
You don’t need to love your body.
It’s okay if you wish you were smaller.
It’s okay if you wish your arms were more toned.
It’s okay if you wish your tummy wasn’t so soft.
It’s okay if you wish your legs were thinner.
These are all normal, and perfectly okay, things to think and feel.
It doesn’t mean you aren’t doing a good enough job loving yourself and your body. It means you are human. It means you are a woman living in a world in which thin and toned is idolized. It means you have preferences.
Just like you may one day wish your hair was blonde instead of brown, or that you had tan skin instead of pale skin, it’s okay to also wish your body was different than it is.
THIS is not the problem. The problem is not “not loving every aspect of your body”.
The problem is what you do with those feelings.
Do those thoughts and feelings drive you to constantly watch what you eat, restrict yourself, and obsess over food?
Do those thoughts make you hate your body and get angry at her for not looking the way you want her to?
Do those thoughts keep you from dating, having sex with your partner, or feeling sexy?
Do you blame your body for not feeling more confident, more liked, or happier?
This is the problem. The problem is what you DO with the thoughts around not loving your body, and what you let those thoughts MEAN.
There is a difference between loving your body and respecting her.
There is a difference between loving your body and owning what you’ve got, today.
These is a difference between loving your body and treating her with love for how she is now.
I want you to know that you can simultaneously wish your body was different, while STILL respecting her TODAY and owning where she is at right now.
I could list off 10 ways I wish my body was different right now. Here are a few:
- I wish my stomach wasn’t as soft as it is. It’s gotten softer through the holidays and winter, and I wish it felt more toned. It would be more comfortable for me.
- I wish my arms were more toned
- I wish my butt hadn’t lost any ounce of muscle that it once had over the summer
- I wish my boobs didn’t have scars on them from my breast reduction years ago
These statements are all true. And I hold space for these things.
And yet, I am able to hold space for what I wish was different and still respect and appreciate the heck out of the body I have.
Just because my body isn’t exactly how I want her to be, does not mean I will go on a diet or try to change her. It doesn’t mean I will hate her until she looks different or blame her for anything in my life.
Because I want you to know this, too:
Your body is not keeping you from feeling sexy.
Your body is not preventing you from dating.
Your body is not keeping you from feeling confident.
Your body is not keeping you from feeling free around food.
The only thing keeping you from all of those things is your own thoughts about your body.
I want to invite you to think about this “body love” thing a little differently:
You don’t need to love your body, but can you respect her?
Can you appreciate her – for keeping you alive every single day?
Can you show her kindness and love today?
It’s okay to not love your body. It’s okay to wish things were different. You are not doing it all wrong. You are simply human. I hope that this helps you take the pressure off of yourself to “love your body”, and instead, aim for respect for her. Appreciation. Kindness. Those things, I hope you can find for yourself.
Sending you lots of love from a woman over here wishing her body was different, too, but still finding an immense amount of respect for and kindness toward the body she is in.
Love,
Jamie
