Wow, I almost can’t believe I’m writing you this post today.
This feels like such a big one to sit and write!
If you’ve been watching my Instagram lately, you would have seen that my boyfriend, Ryan, moved to San Francisco the first week of November for a job, and that we’ve been doing long distance since then.
What I didn’t tell you at the time was that the plan was for me to also move to San Francisco (from NYC) in January. I wasn’t ready to share at that point, because there was so much up in the air, but now it’s time to share everything with you.
This time last year, I couldn’t have predicted that I’d be moving to San Francisco, or that I’d be moving with the person I’m moving with. So much has changed in just one year.
So how did this all happen?
Let’s take a step back. For those of you who have been reading for a while, you may remember that I almost moved to Seattle earlier this year, on my own.
I’ve been living in NYC for almost 9 years, and while I thoroughly loved my time here for the first 6 or so, something changed in the past few years…
When I used to come home from a trip away and see the NYC skyline, I would get an excited, joyful feeling in my belly, so happy to be back home in my crazy city.
But in the past few years, I stopped feeling that way when returning home.
I could tell the charm was wearing off and I that I just wasn’t appreciating what NYC had to offer as much anymore. The hustle and the bustle, the amazing restaurants, the grind, the beauty, the energy… everything I had loved for so long just stopped feeling as fulfilling.
While I still like my life here and will always have a love for New York, I started to feel these pulls to move on.
Last year I lead a retreat called Big Soul in Big Sur for entrepreneurs. After that retreat, I tacked on about 3 weeks and traveled to various cities I was considering moving to: San Francisco, Seattle, Boulder, and Denver.
I fell in love with Seattle.
I could see myself living there and creating a new life for myself there. I wrote about how I was considering moving to Seattle in this post here.
When going back to visit it again, however, I felt differently. While I still liked it, something was holding me back from moving.
What’s interesting is that you’ll see the main reason I didn’t move was that I had to admit to myself that I just didn’t want to move across the country alone…
Good thing I listened to my instincts and was able to admit that to myself, because I was clearly meant to go on a journey to San Francisco in a way I had never expected…
Okay, let’s talk about Ryan now… because he’s obviously a huge part of this!
My boyfriend, Ryan, and I have a really long, really interesting story that I want to fully write about one of these days because it truly exemplifies everything that I teach.
It’s a story based on the right timing, being very vulnerable and brave, but mostly… trusting myself.
There is no way I would be doing this with Ryan if I hadn’t practiced exceptional Self-Care on a daily basis and really knew how to trust myself in the deepest and most important of ways.
For now, I’ll give you the very brief version:
Ryan and I met in September of 2015. A family friend introduced us.
We dated for about 2 months and then realized that we were in really different places in terms of what we were looking for in a relationship (more on this in the longer version!). We respectfully ended things over coffee, and went our separate ways.
I never thought we would reconnect.
I then dated other people, traveled to Asia for two months, and a week or two after I was back, he popped up on my social media, and without even hesitating (hello intuition…) I texted him to have a drink, explicitly as friends.
We got together over burgers and beer, and that led to getting burgers a few weeks later, and then a few weeks later, and then a few weeks later.
We had so much fun getting to know each other as friends without the pressure of dating hanging over us.
Over the next year or so, we went to each others’ 30th birthday parties, did work together at our local coffee shop, and met up for casual dinners consistently.
As we hung out more, we also started really opening up to each other. Ryan became someone who I told everything to, even my deepest, darkest feelings. There was something about being in his presence, with his steady, strong, yet gentle demeanor, that opened me up.
Everytime I’d come home from dinner with him, I would say to myself, “Ryan is just the best.”
He quickly became one of my favorite people to spend time with.
Even so, I’d always considered him just a friend – assuming that if we hadn’t worked the first time, we wouldn’t work again (even though deep down, I had some sort of a crush on him!).
But then, something changed. We could both tell that as we grew closer, there were some confusing feelings arising.
To make a very very long story short (I will tell you more at some point, because there are so many lessons in here)… we decided to start dating again and see what else might come out of the friendship we’d already formed.
It was a huge leap of faith for both of us – we both had circumstances that made this quite a bold and courageous move on both ends – but thankfully, we did.
Going from “friends” to “more than friends” (haha) felt very clunky at first, but after a few weeks of stumbling around, we found our groove.
And from there, it got really fun 🙂
Here I was with this guy who I had always adored, as one of my closest friends, and now I got to be with him all the time.
I no longer had to wait until the next time we met up for burgers, I was getting to explore the day-to-day with him…
Now, let me get to the moving to San Francisco part!
From Day One, we knew that Ryan may get a job anywhere in the country.
I very much held the belief that “If it’s the right relationship, we’ll just figure it out” and encouraged him to just keep looking for the best job, regardless of location.
Of course, Ryan did end up getting a job in San Francisco, basically the furthest point from NYC!
When he got the offer, it was a bit of a shock to the system. We had talked about the “what if” if that had happened, but then it became real.
Through a lot of vulnerable and open conversation, we decided that we would plan for me to move a few months after he did.
While this sounds straightforward, I can assure you this did not come without plenty of ups and downs!
We both had our own fears surface. our relationship as we knew it was changing, we were taking steps together, we were going to do long-distance for a little while (which I had never done)… and we had a lot come up that we had to sort through together.
There were days that I was trapped in a fear that Ryan would get out there, start this new California life, and leave me in the dust.
I’ve also felt so many layers of emotion about leaving my life here and starting over in a new place, moving in with someone again, and just everything changing.
And of course he was experiencing his own version of going through massive change, too.
I’ve been taking care of myself and my emotions around this as best as I can.
I’ve had to open up to Ryan even when I didn’t want him to see me struggling so much. I’ve had to get a lot of support elsewhere in my life. I’ve had to really be there for myself, accepting whatever this move was bringing up for me.
I’ve had to practice so much patience – with myself, with him, with the flow of life.
So where are we now?
Ryan’s been getting adjusted in SF since moving the first week of November, and I’ve visited twice.
My first trip out there before Thanksgiving was really tough. I was either crying or moody the entire time – I had totally underestimated how emotional this would all be for me.
My trip out there the second time a week ago was awesome. I felt much more comfortable and excited.
I’ve accepted that it’s just going to be a rollercoaster for a while!
I’m heading back out there after the New Year and that’s when we’re going to be looking for an apartment.
What about my business?
My business won’t be changing based on the move, which I feel so lucky about. Thankfully, I have built a business over the past 5 years that provides me with location freedom so that I can do this type of thing.
So for you guys, you won’t notice much of a difference except that I’ll be checking out all the cool SF restaurants and coffee shops instead of the ones in NYC!
I’ll still be coaching, running the same kinds of programs, etc.
I’m excited to see what kind of new connections + inspiration the West Coast brings!
And if you happen to be in SF — let me know! I’d love to get together or have a meet-up out there once I’m settled.
Okay, that’s enough for now. Thank you so much for listening and for being a part of my journey.
I know some of you have been around for years, and have seen me go through so many twists and turns in my business and life. I appreciate you sticking around and listening to me all these years!
And if you’re new around here, I appreciate you so much too and can’t wait to share more with you as I transition to the West Coast.
I hope you have a wonderful time over the holidays and the New Year!
Lots of love,