(published in 2014)
I always wanted to reach that one special number on the scale.
That magic number that meant that I had arrived. Life was going to be amazing now. I was going to feel confident now. I was going to find love now. I was going to get attention now.
You know how that goes, and you’re probably sitting there nodding your head thinking about your magic number.
Your dream weight.
A few months ago I went to my doctor for a yearly checkup. He asked to weigh me, so without thinking twice, I got on the scale. I don’t have a scale at home, so I wasn’t sure of my weight at the time.
I stepped on the scale and he read me the number. I reacted as if he had just told me my hair was brown. The number was just a number, there was no emotion attached to it.
It wasn’t until hours later that I got home and the number popped into my head that I realized – holy shit – the doctor read me my magic number. I am at my “Dream Weight”.
This caused me to stop what I was doing and sit down on my couch and reflect on this.
Why is it that when I stopped striving for this number, it actually happened?
And why is it that it means nothing to me at this point?
I came to the realization that the reason it doesn’t matter is that this time around, I got happy first, before the weight came off.
I was happy and living the life I wanted 30 pounds ago, so now, the only thing that’s different is that my pants are a smaller size.
A couple of years ago I decided I was going to stop dieting and that I couldn’t waste one more day fighting my weight and fighting myself. So I decided to live and to get happy immediately.
I started dating.
I worked on all of my relationships.
I booked trips I’d been wanting to take.
I started working with multiple coaches.
I forced myself to be present when out with my friends instead of counting the calories of the beer in my head the entire time.
I got rid of clothes that didn’t fit and gradually got new ones that made me feel great.
I quit my job and started my business.
I ate top notch food.
I cooked decadent recipes.
I learned what it looked like to take incredible care of my emotions, my heart, and my body.
I quit the gym and started going on long walks instead.
I fell in love and got comfortable feeling sexy in my skin no matter what.
I learned who I was outside of food & my body. I discovered new passions, what lit me up, and what made me happy.
I met myself again.
And of course, the happier I got and the more I took care of myself and my needs, the less I turned to food.
Over a long period of time at a very slow pace, my weight gradually dropped.
So here I sit, at my dream weight, and life is no better or worse than it was 30 or 40 pounds ago. The only difference is that my pants are a smaller size. That is it.
I’m sure that throughout my life as a woman, my weight will fluctuate. Hopefully one day I will have kids and who knows what else my body will go through.
But what I know now is that happiness, love, and a great life have nothing to do with the number on the scale.
We can live with confidence, sexiness, great love, and total happiness regardless of our weight.
If you’re struggling with your weight and thinking that when you lose weight, everything will just be better, easier and you’ll be happier, I want you to dig a little deeper.
Do you really think that’s true?
Will all of your problems be solved when you’re finally that Dream Weight?
I’ve seen with myself and hundreds of women that the answer typically is no.
Happiness is an internal game. It comes from within. It has nothing to do with your weight.
So I would challenge you to think about this and let me know in the comments below:
- What do you think will be “fixed” or “better” when you lose weight?
- How can you work on creating that NOW?
That’s where the beauty lies … in knowing that you have everything it takes to live and feel exactly how you want right now.
To your wildly happy life,
Jo says
Such and inspiring story Jamie and you look fantastic! xx
Jamie says
Thank you Jo!! xx.
Sarah S. says
I love this post. This is exactly what I’m thinking right now. Screw this magic number. I’m living my life now. All of the lessons with Food Freedom keep coming back around. I lose my way and then I come back around to them. So thank you for that. 🙂
Oh, and I joined the Holiday Challenge so looking forward to that!
Jamie says
Love you girl. It always comes back 🙂 And be gentle with yourself… changing your thinking around this stuff takes time. Two steps forward, one pull back, two steps forward, etc. So excited to see you in the Challenge!
Katie @ Live Half Full says
For me, weight loss is all about wanting to feel confident and like I have my sh*t together. So, instead of focusing on the weight loss- I’ve been focusing on taking care of myself and guess what- I feel way better! I’m getting to the point where the number doesn’t matter, it’s a process but I know it’ll be worth it!
Jamie says
Awesome Katie!!!
Kate says
I so want to get to this point Jamie! I am working on it slowly but surely- I’ve made mounds of progress with food but I am having the hardest time letting go of the exercise. I do enjoy it and use it as a mental escape – but the underlying reason I force myself to go to the gym 4-5x a week is to of course, lose weight (even though those last 10-15lbs aren’t going anywhere doing so). I keep telling myself that what I have been doing clearly isn’t working so why not just chill on forcing my body to get there and let it do its thing but it’s much easier said than done!
Jamie says
Kate, I hear ya girl! I would just ask yourself what is important about losing weight? What do you feel like it will do for you and then how can you create more of that now? You’ve got it!! xoxo.
Paige @ Healthy Hits the Spot says
What an INCREDIBLE testimony this is for so many women! I wish the whole world could read this 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Jamie says
Thanks Paige!!
Esther says
As I am on this continual weight loss journey, I have found myself shifting my focus. It used to be on how many calories in and out each day to finding foods that were nutritious and delicious to really taking care of my body. I am def still in the process of learning how to care for myself the best I can, and I don’t have to wait till the weight comes off to be happy!
Looking forward to the challenge! <3
Jamie says
Amen, sista! 🙂 So happy you’re doing the Challenge!
Anna says
Hi Jamie, I’ve been reading your blog for a while and find it so inspirational! I was on a similar journey, and your writing helped me to stay with this mindset instead of slipping back into old ways of thinking. When I was younger I went to the gym most days, binged then dieted and all it did was exhaust me (if only I could be “good” for long enough!) … but I found when I fell pregnant I happily enjoyed eating whatever I wanted, since I ‘allowed’ myself to follow my cravings and it was OK to gain weight. After bub was born I continued following my cravings and since it was impossible to get to the gym I started going on long walks – more for my mental sanity rather than weight loss. Some days my body wants coffee (lots of coffee after sleepless nights!) and chocolate, other days I crave vegetables, I just went with it and didnt deprive myself. Ironically, I weigh less now after having a baby than I did when I was younger and trying so hard! I’ve learnt to trust my body – it knows what its doing. Its really ironic but I have noticed that in the mothers group , when we all go out to coffee myself and a few other mums who are fairly slim/average weight order cake or a treat but its the overweight ladies who are always on a ‘diet’ and restricting themselves. . . I really feel for them, I think I’ll have to send them to your website to have a read!!
Jamie says
Anna, thank you so much for sharing your story. I absolutely LOVE hearing things like this!!! Isn’t that so amazing that when we listen to our bodies, things just fall in place? Fascinating. Thanks again for sharing! Your story is so inspiring to me and I’m sure to many others. xoxo.
Alyssa says
I found this true for myself, too. When I focused on my business and everything else I was passionate about outside of working out and focusing on my goal body, my weight shifted. Life is too short to be worried about what we look like. Enjoy life and actually living :).
tess says
for me, weight loss is about external validation- feeling that other people respect me or think i’m sexy. However, it is ultimately internal validation that leads to fulfillment. So, I’m not really sure how to approach your question you posed in the post. you asked, What do you think will be “fixed” or “better” when you lose weight? And, How can you work on creating that NOW? Well, if I think I’ll be more respected or found more sexy for being thinner, I’m not sure how to create that now aside from eating healthier and more intuitively, staying active, etc. Please help me understand better:-) Thank you. Your writings are VERY inspiring and helpful!!
Daina says
I can’t determine how do I subscribe to your blog
Courtney says
God do I ever relate to this. About 5 years ago I lost 60 lbs through a very strict calorie controlled diet. Since then, because the lifestyle was unmaintainable, I gained about 30lbs back. I have spent 3 years trying to get back down to my “smallest weight” yoyo-ing, losing and gaining and ultimately just gaining more than I was ever losing. My New Years resolution was to STOP DIETING and just be kind to my body no matter what it looks like. Why was I pushing so hard to reach a weight I wasn’t even happy with when I was at it?! Makes me shake my head now.
Julie says
Hey Anna
I really do love your posts!Such an inspiration.I really do wanna get to where you are right now.Happy with yourself and enjoying life.I’ve been on a weight loss journey since April but I just realized that I wasn’t enjoying life.Depriving myself of foods I love,always on a tight schedule so as to ensure I work out.but right now..am so tired.It’s sickening especially when I binge then feel guilty afterwards and start purging.I wanna let go of all of that but am so afraid of gaining back the weight but still wanna be happy:(:
Becky says
I’m really trying to wrap my head around “the new norm”. My body will never be what it was before I had my 2 daughters. I still have a number in my head that I would like to get back to. Hoping that if I do, that my sex life will spice up again? Hoping that I’ll walk with a bit more swagger – and feel less like a stuffed sausage. Ha! Honestly I just want to be comfortable in my own skin – and clothes again.
Also – I stopped running and started walking too! I love it. I take breaks at work and wander around the university campus. Or I go after the girls are in bed, just me and a podcast. It’s so great. Who needs to hate running when you can love walking?
Paula says
I loved this so so so much!!!! Thank you Jamie, this has helped me so much