Confidence is such a funny thing.
We had it when we were little — naively unaware of judgement from others or the need to censor our behavior or “fit in”.
Think about your toddler or a toddler you know — they don’t have a “self-esteem” issue, right?
They are who they are unapologetically, free from thinking there’s anything wrong with them.
But then, something happens along the way.
Something that makes us aware of ourselves and how we’re different than others.
- Maybe it’s being teased at school.
- Maybe it’s becoming aware that your body looks different than other bodies.
- Maybe it’s feeling left out in gym class, and wondering why.
- Maybe it’s your mother telling you to “stop being ___ (shy, loud, etc.).”
And suddenly, the self-doubt creeps in, and you:
- Wonder if you’re okay.
- Wonder if you’re good enough.
- Worry that you may not fit in unless you change some aspect of yourself.
- Start to label certain parts of you as being “good”, and certain parts as “maybe wrong”.
And what do these concerns lead to? A variety of behaviors that I bet you’re oh-so-familiar with now as an adult:
- Feeling shy or nervous to be yourself.
- Putting other people on a pedestal.
- Judging yourself.
- Thinking other people know the way.
- Constantly looking for acceptance and validation.
- Thinking other people always have it “more figured out” than you do.
- Not trusting your own instincts.
I know. Trust me, I’ve been there.
And I also know that this way of being makes you constantly long for more confidence.
You see other women so comfortable in their own skin and you’re like,
Gosh, I want to be like that.
I want to be able to show up to a social scene and feel totally relaxed in who I am.
I want to feel confident at work, instead of like an imposter or always doubting myself.
I want to do me and trust my decisions, even if they’re different from what others are doing.
You have a vision of “confident you”, but you can’t quite seem to get there.
I get so fired up about this topic because working on my “self-esteem” has been a crucial pillar of my growth as a woman.
Like you, I started off as a confident little kid.
But certain things happened in my past that gave my confidence a giant sucker-punch, leaving me with a very wobbly sense of self.
I would look at confident women I knew and just think, how does she do it?
While she is over there seemingly sure of herself and so comfortable in her skin, I’m over here questioning myself all day long.
I’ll be honest, working on my confidence has been and will continue to be a life-long journey. I believe it’s a daily practice.
It’s a daily practice of looking at all the places you think you’re not okay. All the ways you distrust exactly who you are. All the ways you hide or compensate or try to be something you’re not to fit in.
But I will say this:
Becoming increasingly confident in who you are is the BEST feeling.
It takes SO. MUCH. WEIGHT off your shoulders
It restores you to what a part of you has known all along: you’re perfectly alright.
It frees you.
I can happily say that these days, my self-confidence is pretty darn good.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t have my moments.
However, when something pops up these days, I know the steps to work through it. I know the tools to keep improving my self-esteem. I know the path, so it gets easier and easier.
Want to know the “how” behind feeling more confident?
Well, don’t you worry… I’ve got you.
I led a free workshop on this in my Facebook Community called TRANSCEND. The workshop is called:
Tangible Steps to Feeling More Confident
You can watch it right now!
Even better? Every week I lead a workshop in TRANSCEND. Totally free. Totally for you.
Excited to have you join us 🙂