You don’t need to ‘love your body’

Hey you,

I want you to know something.

You don’t need to love your body.

It’s okay if you wish you were smaller.

It’s okay if you wish your arms were more toned.

It’s okay if you wish your tummy wasn’t so soft.

It’s okay if you wish your legs were thinner.

These are all normal, and perfectly okay, things to think and feel.

It doesn’t mean you aren’t doing a good enough job loving yourself and your body. It means you are human. It means you are a woman living in a world in which thin and toned is idolized. It means you have preferences.

Just like you may one day wish your hair was blonde instead of brown, or that you had tan skin instead of pale skin, it’s okay to also wish your body was different than it is.

THIS is not the problem. The problem is not “not loving every aspect of your body”.

The problem is what you do with those feelings.

Do those thoughts and feelings drive you to constantly watch what you eat, restrict yourself, and obsess over food?

Do those thoughts make you hate your body and get angry at her for not looking the way you want her to?

Do those thoughts keep you from dating, having sex with your partner, or feeling sexy?

Do you blame your body for not feeling more confident, more liked, or happier?

This is the problem. The problem is what you DO with the thoughts around not loving your body, and what you let those thoughts MEAN.

There is a difference between loving your body and respecting her.

There is a difference between loving your body and owning what you’ve got, today.

These is a difference between loving your body and treating her with love for how she is now.

I want you to know that you can simultaneously wish your body was different, while STILL respecting her TODAY and owning where she is at right now.

I could list off 10 ways I wish my body was different right now. Here are a few:

  • I wish my stomach wasn’t as soft as it is. It’s gotten softer through the holidays and winter, and I wish it felt more toned. It would be more comfortable for me.
  • I wish my arms were more toned
  • I wish my butt hadn’t lost any ounce of muscle that it once had over the summer
  • I wish my boobs didn’t have scars on them from my breast reduction years ago

These statements are all true. And I hold space for these things.

And yet, I am able to hold space for what I wish was different and still respect and appreciate the heck out of the body I have.

Just because my body isn’t exactly how I want her to be, does not mean I will go on a diet or try to change her. It doesn’t mean I will hate her until she looks different or blame her for anything in my life.

Because I want you to know this, too:

Your body is not keeping you from feeling sexy.

Your body is not preventing you from dating.

Your body is not keeping you from feeling confident.

Your body is not keeping you from feeling free around food.

The only thing keeping you from all of those things is your own thoughts about your body.

I want to invite you to think about this “body love” thing a little differently:

You don’t need to love your body, but can you respect her?

Can you appreciate her – for keeping you alive every single day?

Can you show her kindness and love today?

It’s okay to not love your body. It’s okay to wish things were different. You are not doing it all wrong. You are simply human. I hope that this helps you take the pressure off of yourself to “love your body”, and instead, aim for respect for her. Appreciation. Kindness. Those things, I hope you can find for yourself.

Sending you lots of love from a woman over here wishing her body was different, too, but still finding an immense amount of respect for and kindness toward the body she is in.








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  1. I so needed to hear this. I feel like if I was talking to you on a coaching call this is exactly what you would have said. Thank you for offering this to your readers. Grateful for your wisdom.

  2. This message really touched my heart. Growing up, I was always thin and pretty shapely. But in my mid-twenties, I ate a lot, didn’t exercise, and put on about 40 pounds over the years. I can’t tell you how many times I’d look in the mirror despising what I saw, wishing I was someone else, or more specifically the girls i’d see on Instagram or on TV. I come from a thin family, and am definitely the biggest one in the family. I know my parents are embarrassed of my weight. A few months ago, I told myself i’d go on a strict diet and I began to- only to find out a few days later that I was pregnant. This came as a total shock to me, because, only a few months earlier I had gone to a fertility doctor and was told that at the age of 33, my eggs were too old to make a baby, and that I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant. I’m now 16 weeks into my pregnancy, and although I know my weight will only increase as the months go by, and I’ll have to work double-time to lose the weight after the baby is born, I don’t care. I don’t care because I’ve been given a chance to experience the miracle of creating and carrying a life! My body is doing that! My body is strong enough and capable enough to sustain a life, DESPITE what the fertility doctor told me. I may never be the perfect size 4 (or 6) that i’d Like to be. And u know what, that’s ok. But if I can continue appreciating my body in the future the way I’ve learned to do now, I think my body and I can live a pretty long, happy life together. And I’ll take that over being a perfect size 4 any day.

    • YES – thank you for sharing this. Your body is INCREdIblE and amazing – being a size 4 truly doesn’t matter. Just continuing to show your body respect and kindness will go a very long way! Congratulations!!! xoxo.

  3. Beautifully said and exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you ❤️

  4. Love this, exactly what I needed to hear on this Monday.

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