When your “crap” comes back just when you thought you were over it

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I hope you’ve been having a great week! I went to a super intense retreat up at Kripalu in Massachusetts this weekend, and have been coming down from that experience this week, so there has been a ton of sleeping and self-care. I cannot wait to share what I learned with you. Stay tuned!

Today, I want to talk about something that has continued to come up with clients, friends, and in my own life:

When you thought you had gotten over your “stuff” and then it circles back again.

Like, when you thought you were over your food issues, but then you find yourself overeating again.

Or when you thought you had worked through your relationship anxiety, but then it rears its head again.

Or when you thought you were (finally) feeling comfortable in your body, but then you see a picture of yourself you don’t like, and you’re right back to body hating.

I know how FRUSTRATING it can feel when you thought something was behind you, and then it shows up again.

UGH!

Sometimes my clients feel alarmed by this, but I always assure them that, as frustrating as it may be, it’s completely normal, it’s supposed to happen, and it is in fact a GOOD thing.

Your “issue” is circling back around because there is still more for you to learn. You’re ready to go one level deeper.

You weren’t ready to go to that next level before, but now you’re ready.

Your “issue” is actually here to help you heal on an even more profound level.

When you binge after not bingeing for three months, it’s okay. It’s GREAT, actually. It’s showing you something and is taking you one level deeper into your attunement to your needs and feelings.

You are not going back to square one, I promise.

The changes you have already made are irreversible, they are so embedded in who you are. This is just your next step, your next opportunity to grow.

There are certain things in my life that I REALLY wish I was over. I wish they just never freakin’ showed up anymore. I wish I could just solve them, heal them, and move on.

But, on a soul level, I must not be there yet. I must have more to learn. If I didn’t, these things wouldn’t keep showing up.

My biggest thing right now is romantic relationships. I am deep in my learning and growth around this, and every man who shows up in my life is helping me learn big lessons that are freakin’ hard, but clearly what I need.

What I’ve noticed though, is that each time my same “stuff” shows up, it shows up differently. It has a different angle. It’s lighter. I know myself so much better now, so I can handle it in a better way. It’s less intense. I have perspective. It doesn’t take me down as often. It comes up less and less.

If I think back to healing my relationship with food, it was the same thing.

I remember being SO excited when things finally started to click for me, and it was like I was on a high. And then…out of nowhere… I would binge. Or emotionally eat. Or feel horrible about myself. Or get confused. Or dieting thoughts and behaviors would sneak back in.

It was so frustrating… aren’t I over this already!?

But I tried to look at every road block with curiosity and learn from it. What caused this binge? What did I really need? How was I being restrictive (sneaky ego) that caused me to feel deprived and rebel?

Eventually, the unexpected “lessons” (binges, etc.) became less and less intense and less and less frequent, until finally, overtime, they completely stopped.

So the point here is to be patient with yourself.

It’s okay if your “crap” circles back and throws you off, out of nowhere.

Welcome it back.

Hello, old friend.

I am f&*king frustrated that you’re here again, but okay, what is it that I need to learn this time? 

GET CURIOUS.

And try to turn that frustration into compassion. Soften into your old friend. Be open to learning. Know that you are not going back to square one. This is PART of your forward movement.

And overtime, when it’s ready and when you’re ready, your “crap” will stop showing up.

Until then, keep learning. I am right there with you.

In the comments, I’d love to hear: What is an issue that keeps coming up for you over and over that you wish you could just shake? What do you think it’s still trying to teach you?

Also… did you see the Master Your Life Retreat that I’m running in NYC in May!? We will be diving deep into self-care, and you’ll have so much support in the most luxurious, fun environment to work through any of your “stuff” that keeps coming up.

Is your inner critic so freakin’ loud and bringing you down all the time?

Are you struggling with food and your body?

Do you just feel like your life could be so much more exciting, expressive, light and fun, but you just feel stuck?

I would highly consider the MYL Retreat. It’s going to be such an incredible long weekend with the most amazing women.

Sending you lots of love!

Jamie

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  1. Holy Mother, Jamie! This is brilliant! I’ve been struggling lately with my perfectionism coming back again and again in situations where I’m outside of my comfort zone, even though I’ve got my perfectionism pretty much handled on a day-to-day basis. This mindshift you’re suggesting is huge. Thanks so much! :)

  2. Ahhh yes Jamie, this is so powerful and so true. I find it really easy to just think I’ve “messed up” when old habits come back but you’re right.. it’s not a step backwards, it’s a chance to pause and re-connect.

    xoxoxoxo

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